Divorce

Divorce is something very common in the United States -- too common really.  I waited to marry just because  I didn't want to become another one of those statistics.  I didn't want to end up like my parents.  Yet, here I am not just wanting to divorce my husband of just over a year, but already having filled out the paperwork and actively looking for a time to file it.

There are so many reasons that we should divorce, and yet I can find few to stay married.

First, there is the fact that he lied to me before we got married.  He told me that his Visa status was good and not to worry about it.  He then tells me four months later that he has been here on an expired Visa since 2001.  I will tolerate a lot from someone, but not lying -- especially from my husband.

Then there is the fact that he doesn't live with me.  He has only been here four times to visit me, not including the trip he made to marry me.  That includes a near six month stint where I didn't see him.

He refuses to help me, but expects me to help him.  The Qur'an says that the husband is to support the wife and to pay the bills.  I have been struggling to survive on unemployment for well over a year.  Not only does he refuse to help me pay my bills, but he has also told me that it is my job to support him.  I once asked him what would happen if the doctors put me on bed rest while pregnant with his child.  He said, "Oh, you will live off of your savings."  He wants me to have his child, but he wants me to pay for it.

He recently went on and on about how I am a failure in life and beneath him, because his cousins have married doctors, lawyers, and such.  I am just an out of work Buyer/Administrative/Contracts Assistant and I don't make any real money for him to live off of.

He recently started bugging me about contacting the INS about getting his paperwork started.  I told him that a paralegal that specializes in Immigration Law told me that we have to be married and living together for two years before I can file anything.  He said, "Ok, good.  We only have one more year to go."  Completely ignoring the second half of my statement.

He made it very clear the last time he was here that he will not help me with my rent should my unemployment run out.  Not only to me, but also to a few of my house mates.  So I asked him, "Would you rather see your wife homeless, then to help her anymore?"  The sound of crickets would have been a better response, because he gave none.

Is there anything good about my marriage?  Other than legally changing my last name so people I don't want in my life can't find me, no, there is nothing currently good about it

Is there any reason to stay married at this point?  Not that I can see.  I feel as though he is just using me for his own end, and I am left to flop around like a ignored, dying fish that has been pulled out of the water and left on the shore.

I converted to Islam for him, but I would ask him questions, and he would flippantly tell me to read the Qur'an.  When I would call him on his bad behavior and quote the appropriate Qur'anic text, he would say, "It doesn't say that."  He tells my friends that they need to get me to wear the same clothes as they do, and to wear the hijab everyday, but provides no money for a new wardrobe.  The last time he was here, I made no effort to look good for him, and he made no notice one way or another.

It has gotten to the point where I don't know how to talk to him.  He asks me how I am, if I tell him that I am sick he ignores it and asks about my cats.  He once even yelled at me for insisting on money for food and making him miss a party.  Mind you that it was in the middle of Rahamadan.  Why is he going to a party in the middle of the Holy Month anyway???

I asked him for a little money this month for food because my check was delayed, and he told me no.  The closest assistance for Halal food is some 20 miles away, and since I have no car, I have no way of getting there.  What am I to do?

I finally got mad with him and told him that I am actively looking for another husband.  He said that I was giving him a "heart attack", and treating him badly.

I never wanted to get divorced, but a husband that is more harmful than good, what am I to do?

Until next time, have a lovely day....